He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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