I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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