WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
