JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
