the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
