We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize