Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
