I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
