Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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