therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
