she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
