so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
