im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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