Yo dont text me then not text me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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