you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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