So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
