Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
