I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
