It's Friday. Sex?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
