Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize