just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
