You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
