Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
