Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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