does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
