you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
