Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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