I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
