Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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