I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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