that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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