i barfeds in our rink
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
