My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
