I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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