yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
