Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
