No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are two peas in an std pod
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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