Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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