I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
