It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
