Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize