Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
