big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
