but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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