Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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