i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
