WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
