God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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