they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
