a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
