I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
