So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize