dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
