I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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