so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cut my penus on the lid.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
