Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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