I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
