you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
