Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
