No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
