im six kinds of drunk right now
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
