I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
