Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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