Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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