I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
