Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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