this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
