you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
