i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
