you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
