I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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