wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
