Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
